4 Things That Make Babies Awesome

I think all babies are basically this awesome.

I got to hang out with my cousin, her husband, and their beautiful baby today. Babies are pretty awesome. Here are some reasons I think babies are awesome.

1. You can’t be unhappy when a baby is in the room. The only time anyone frowns around a baby is when the frowner is making faces at the baby.

2. You can buy gifts for babies for their next stage of life. It is common practice to buy babies spring clothes for Christmas and to buy them a couple of sizes larger. Because you know that the baby is going to grow. It would be kind of weird for my parents to give me a gift for my next life stage. A gift certificate to a wedding caterer isn’t really the same as a 12-month-old one-piece.

3. Babies have no concept of risk. All they know is that they want to put that knife in their mouths. And they will. And then they will cry after they hurt themselves with it. And then they will take a nap.

4. Babies take criticism and never get stressed out about people pressuring them. Have you ever seen a baby melt down because her parents were pressuring her to say “mama?” No. You haven’t. Babies know that they want to walk and talk. They are all about it. And because they know they want to do these things, when the people that love them try to force them to stand or say a couple of syllables, they don’t make a scene. If they aren’t ready, they just chortle. And if they are ready, then they walk or talk and then chortle.

Why God is the Opposite of Boobs

I got your interest with that title, didn’t I? It’s true though. And it’s not because I’m trying to gender God or something. Maybe God is a woman and then She would be opposite of Her boobs. That’s all I’m saying.

When we are little (like before-we-can-move-by-ourselves little), we have very little concept of the world. And it is theorized that new-borns believe that the entire world is their mothers’ breasts. That’s all there is to life. Nothing else matters or is important. They, supposedly, are consumed by their little newborn perception of that breast. And that’s all that is going on.

Well, then fast-forward a decade or two, and life seems really really complicated. We deal with careers, school, mortgages, children, spouses, significant others, aging families, funerals, marriages, births, birthdays, war, taxes, depressions, disease, and all the other stuff we think is important. And we think we have grown vastly superior to the baby who cannot comprehend anything other than her mother’s breast.

But the truth is that we still haven’t reached a sophisticated truth. Sure, life isn’t all about boobs. It’s good we learned that. (Maybe some people are still trying to get over that part.) But it’s silly that we think that life is all about all of the various things we surround ourselves with now. Why should ten, twenty, thirty years make all that much different.

It’s funny because we often include God in this list of stuff that life is about. But we would be much closer to understanding what God’s power was if we said something like God is life. We used to believe that boobs were life. That was wrong. God is life probably isn’t all that wrong. God’s kinda the opposite of boobs.

There’s a scene in the movie V for Vendetta when one of the characters is reading a letter from one of the other characters, and the letter-writer says that her grandmother used to tell her that “God was in the rain.” I try to remind myself of that every time I find myself uptown without an umbrella.