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Why I Need (Not Want) My Mom

My mother is an incredible human being. And I’m not just saying that because she’s my mother. I would still consider her an amazing human being if she was someone else’s mother.

Here’s the thing about my mom. She is a difficult person to buy gifts for.

I think when people hit the age of about 19, it just becomes easier to get gift cards. Everyone always talks about how gift cards aren’t meaningful and all that, but the truth of the matter is that by age 19, all you really want from life is some combination of clothes, electronics, music, movies, and books. And all of those things kind of require personal input. So we get each other gift cards, and we write each other nice little letters that say what we think the money should be spent on.

That’s what you do for most adults.

And most adults are more than happy to spend that money on themselves. I know I am.

Not my mom.

I don’t really have many memories of my mom spending money on something she wanted. She only spends money on things she needs, or, more accurately, things the humble Smith household needs. My grandmother got my mother a gift card to Kohl’s for Christmas. What was my mom excited to buy? New bath towels. No joke. She said our old ones were falling apart. She was right.

I think that’s a really cool skill to have – to be able to discern what it is you need from what it is you want.

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A Life-Changing Incomplete Thought

What if we woke up one day and someone told us that all of the stuff we were doing in preparation for that really important life-changing thing was the really important life-changing thing?

That’s a little confusing.

Let me put it another way.

You might be busy building a social media platform, training for a marathon, dating in an attempt to find a life-partner, getting a degree for a job, starting a business, or starting a movement. Currently, I have a couple of things like that on my plate. I am trying to get a degree. I am starting a student organization on campus. I am trying to build a platform as a blogger. And it’s hard. And a lot of time, I think my real effect on the world will happen when I have my degree, when my student org is running by itself, and when I have over a thousand people following my blog.

There’s a really great war novel I once read where these soldiers are training for war by using video games, but you find out in the end that the video games were the war.

That’s how life works. The life-changing part happens while we are trying to get to the part we think is going to be life-changing.

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Commit

I like to take time to figure out my life. I do so every once in a while. That’s part of the reason my posts were absent in the last week.

But. Taking time to figure out my life basically never results in figuring out my life.

What it actually results in is me watching insane amounts of How I Met Your Mother on Netflix, eating leftover pizza, and staying up much too late.

My incessant need to figure out my life presupposes the assumption that there exists some group of people who have figured out their lives. That’s a false assumption. So every minute, every hour, every day I waste “figuring out my life,” I could be spending doing life.

I do a lot of talking. I like to think that I’m also the type of person who does a lot of doing. But I want to get better about it. I’m always thinking about how the things I’m thinking about doing relate to my career goals and my long-term visions for my life. That’s useless. I have no idea. Three years ago I thought I was going to be spending my next eight years in higher education, getting a PhD. Today, I am writing this post on break of an internship at a charter school in Columbus.

We can always change roads. It’s always an option. But while we are on the road we are on, let’s go somewhere, let’s do something, let’s leave a legacy. Or, you know, we could just sit on the side of the road, watch How I Met Your Mother and wonder what we should do with our lives.