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Why God is the Opposite of Boobs

I got your interest with that title, didn’t I? It’s true though. And it’s not because I’m trying to gender God or something. Maybe God is a woman and then She would be opposite of Her boobs. That’s all I’m saying.

When we are little (like before-we-can-move-by-ourselves little), we have very little concept of the world. And it is theorized that new-borns believe that the entire world is their mothers’ breasts. That’s all there is to life. Nothing else matters or is important. They, supposedly, are consumed by their little newborn perception of that breast. And that’s all that is going on.

Well, then fast-forward a decade or two, and life seems really really complicated. We deal with careers, school, mortgages, children, spouses, significant others, aging families, funerals, marriages, births, birthdays, war, taxes, depressions, disease, and all the other stuff we think is important. And we think we have grown vastly superior to the baby who cannot comprehend anything other than her mother’s breast.

But the truth is that we still haven’t reached a sophisticated truth. Sure, life isn’t all about boobs. It’s good we learned that. (Maybe some people are still trying to get over that part.) But it’s silly that we think that life is all about all of the various things we surround ourselves with now. Why should ten, twenty, thirty years make all that much different.

It’s funny because we often include God in this list of stuff that life is about. But we would be much closer to understanding what God’s power was if we said something like God is life. We used to believe that boobs were life. That was wrong. God is life probably isn’t all that wrong. God’s kinda the opposite of boobs.

There’s a scene in the movie V for Vendetta when one of the characters is reading a letter from one of the other characters, and the letter-writer says that her grandmother used to tell her that “God was in the rain.” I try to remind myself of that every time I find myself uptown without an umbrella.

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Waking Up with Michael Jackson

I am horrible at waking up. I was supposed to wake up at 8 today to give myself an hour to write my blog post because the rest of my day has been scheduled away to the man. Instead I woke up at 8:40. So that is really horrible.

I wish I had a really creative way to wake up. I have a good friend who does. Instead of just drinking coffee or something, he turns on a good, upbeat song, gets in front of his computer and dances and wiggles his way to morning awareness. He recently started posting these “morning rituals” on Youtube, and you should check it out. Maybe he can help you wake up, too!

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Nat King Cole is My Drill Sergeant

There are two things I am really good at in my life right now. Social networking and posting daily blogs. My friend recently commented on how he was impressed by my ability to update every day. He didn’t realize that my motivations were maliciously selfish. I suppose that anyone who writes a blog is being a little egotistical, but I have taken it to a much darker level. I post every day because I love seeing my views go up, and I know that now that I have established this as a daily blog, to fail to post every day would result in a loss of views. And my ego wouldn’t be able to handle that.

Even though this is an entirely horrible motivation, it works because I get immediate pay-off for my work. The more posts I have, the more views I get. And while I’m worried about views, I am becoming a better writer, meeting new people, and learning about myself. The positives far outweigh the fact that this blog encourages evil, detestable behavior.

The same thing is true for social media. The more people I friend and follow on Twitter, the more people are likely to friend and follow me. And that’s an immediate reward, and I love it.

I have been obsessed recently with motivating myself and trying to figure out how to reward myself for working hard. I recently started listening to Pandora’s Easy Jazz station while I work. That motivates me because it makes me feel like all my work is the important travails of a man living in 1920s-1950s New York. And that’s pretty wonderful. I don’t own any suits, but when I work, I feel like I do.

But I’ve been trying to find creative ways to give myself immediate rewards that are actually beneficial. (I could watch television after every paper I finish or something but that seems like a bit of a waste of time.) I want rewards that relate directly to my work. I like my work; I do. It’s just… work.

Some people just came up with a really smart idea for motivating people to work out. It’s called Fitocracy. It’s basically a real life video game for working out. You enter in your workouts on this website, and it gives you points, and you get rewards and stuff. Super super cool. I want to find more creative ways for motivating myself, you know?

How do you motivate yourself?