Category Archives: Writing to God

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The Real Question About Naming and Identity

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A long long time ago, my main source of social interaction online was AOL Instant Messenger. IM was a big deal. It was where all the cool kids were. I remember eighth graders talking about it on the school bus and me thinking, “Dude, I really need to be a part of that.” The best part about IM, like most online interactions back in the day, was that you got to choose your name. You didn’t have to be boring old Spencer. You could be anything you wanted! The purest form of self-expression was now open – choosing your identity.

Choosing your screen name was a bit like getting to choose your own nickname. For people who talked to strangers in chat rooms in those early days, your screen name could be a way of making other people like you – if it was edgy enough, smart enough, witty enough, or cool enough, people might like you better. At least that’s what we though.

It’s really interesting to go back and think about what we thought was important back then. My screen name was golfhawk09. ’09 was my high school graduation date. Golf was my big extracurricular activity and place where I could express myself. And hawk was a way of remembering my recently deceased grandfathers. Obviously, I would never choose golfhawk09 as a screen name today. But it still says important things about my identity even now.

I am always concerned with the next chapter of my life. In junior high, that meant high school graduation. I like to believe I am dedicated to the things I do, so much so that they are synonymous with me. And I like to believe that I am aware about other people.

The thing about names and identities is that when you choose one, you are choosing a story. You are saying to the world, “This is how I want to be seen. This is the story I want to occupy.”

The other thing about names and identities is that when you choose one for someone else, you are choosing how you hear his or her story. That’s why labeling someone by his or her race, gender, sexuality, politics, or church/theology is bad. You are limiting that person’s whole existence to one label. It’s as if all of the Conservatives in the world chose to have their screen names be Conservative1, Conservative2, and so on. That’s not true. Let everyone choose his or her own screen name.

How do you name yourself? How do you identify others?

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Is He-Man The-Man?

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I try to read opinions that are different than mine. At first that sounds really noble, but then you ask me why I do it, and I might tell you it’s so I can note how irrational those other views are compared to me. So not that noble.

Anyway, I was fiddling around on the internet the other day, and I came across this from Pastor Mark Driscoll:

One of the reasons I believe we [Mars Hill Church] were named [as a place to meet singles] among such places as gyms, bars, and (naturally) dog parks—there are more dogs per capita in Seattle than kids—is because we tend to verbally beat boys who can shave (men who are adults chronologically but kids in terms of responsibility) like drill sergeants. The ones who don’t leave to blog about their hurt feelings tend to stay, grow up, man up, and eventually get married to a nice gal who would like to have babies but does not want to be married to one.

I usually ignore Mark Driscoll. It makes my life easier, and certainly, he has said things stranger than the above quote. I have never had dinner with Mark Driscoll. I have never had coffee with him or lunch or any other sort of social meal. But I have the strong suspicion that he would make fun of me if we did meet. That hurts my feelings and makes me want to blog.

Is this not a man?

Is this the only type of man?

A long time ago, I had a project where I was trying to figure out what manhood meant. How did boys become men? What I discovered on that journey is that there is a social process and an inner process. In the social process, manhood is judged on these outside things (which are all really silly socially constructed arbitrary goals), but in the inner process, we learn how to respect ourselves and develop a cool self-confidence. That’s not really unique to men, though; that’s how girls become women, too.

I don’t know. I think I fear sometimes that we are going to limit what being a man means. Why can’t a man talk about his feelings on his blog?

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I Wish I Went to High School with Isaac

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I don’t talk to many of my friends from high school anymore. It’s a bit of a shame because they are all really cool people, and they would all probably be a really good influence on me. Most of them are all super responsible, routinely get to bed before midnight, and know what they want to do with their lives.

I do this thing, though, when I am having a bad day. I cyber-stalk all of my high school friends. I do it because it makes me feel worse about myself. It’s the same line of reasoning that makes girls watch chick flicks right after they have been dumped. My high school friends are all incredibly put together people who are mindful enough not to be internet downers. It’s probably not true that their lives are perfect (because no one’s is) but that’s the way it seems to me.

It’s all really self-indulgent and annoyingly embarrassing that I do all of this.  I probs shouldn’t even be sharing it with you.

Anyway, I was reading some Genesis the other day. And I got to the part where Isaac meets Rebekah for the first time. A little background for you:  1. Isaac was 40 years old when he wedded Rebekah. I’m not sure how the whole maturing into adulthood thing worked in the Bible because, you know, people were living to be 175 and stuff, but we have that whole movie The Forty Year Old Virgin. That movie is funny because it is absurd to think that someone so old would be a virgin.

2. Isaac didn’t know Rebekah was coming. Abraham (Isaac’s father) sent his servant to find his son a wife.

So for over fifty verses leading up to the meeting, the narration has been focused on Rebekah. We don’t know what Isaac is up to. And the first mention we get about him is this:

Now Isaac had returned from Beer-lahai-roi and was dwelling in the Negeb. And Isaac went out to meditate in the field toward evening. And he lifted up his eyes and saw, and behold, there were camels coming. (Genesis 24:62-3)

Isaac was meditating when Rebekah came! He wasn’t worrying that as a forty year old he was doomed to be alone. He wasn’t stressing out about if he was ever going to get married. He wasn’t waiting for a wife. He wasn’t cyber stalking his friends and self-indulgently comparing himself to them. No, he was meditating. He was spending time with God. He was enjoying a beautiful evening.

I think I should be a bit more like Isaac.