Monthly Archives: March 2012

Unknown's avatar

Two Terms I Wish I Had Never Said

by

Over the years, I’ve created some terms. And I don’t say this to be conceited, or something. It’s just I like creating theories. And sometimes my theories need names. And every once in a while I discuss these named theories with my friends, and they like them, or whatever. Before I know it, people I don’t talk to are hashtagging my terms on Twitter.

If I’m being completely honest, then I need to tell you that I really like that terms I create catch on. It makes me very happy. And it makes me feel important. So I’m probably going to keep doing it.

But there are two terms I regret creating. I want to talk about those for a bit.

Super Ex. I think this theory was collaborative, but I can’t remember who helped me come up with it. I’m pretty sure I came up with the term. And if I didn’t, then I’m definitely the one who spread it around. So I’m taking responsibility for it.

The super ex is a shorthand way of talking about this theory I had for a while that everyone had one major past relationship by which they judge all following relationships. I formed this theory early on in college because all of the people I was befriending seemed to have had similar experiences: serious relationship in high school leads to serious breakup before college leads to serious hangup for all college relationships.

But the theory only made that cycle worse. By giving a name to it, I was normalizing it, saying it was okay to judge all of your relationships off of that one big one. I think that’s a really childish way to think about love, now.

There are a lot of people in this world. There are some people we like, some people we dislike, and some people we love. But every time we form a relationship with someone new, we form something completely new. We shouldn’t stand around comparing it to whatever came before. Apples to oranges, and all that.

Athens Attractive. I feel the worst about this one. This one is born out of my insecurities with the world. And that’s why I feel bad about it. At first, I thought it was funny. It could have been part of a comedy routine, for instance. And I think some people are still using it that way, which is nice. But some people, following my lead, are using it as a negative term. And that’s not okay. I want to take that back.

I created it because I was tired of all of the girls I was interested in going for the guys who are more free-spirited than I am. I’m a clean cut soul. I like pop music and I watch trashy television. I like to imagine that makes me into a regular Prince Charming. But it doesn’t and so I’m moving on and because I’m moving on, I’d rather not use Athens Attractive negatively anymore.

A friend of mine asked me if she was Athens Attractive the other day. And my mind immediately went down this checklist I had created for it. And then I realized that she didn’t want to be Athens Attractive because Athens Attractive in my head is negative, and she knew that. I’m a firm believer that no one should ever be called something they don’t want to be called. Everyone should have the opportunity to pick their own name. And that’s why Athens Attractive is wrong. It pigeonholes people.

So, if you all don’t mind too much, I am personally going to kill it.

Unknown's avatar

Selfishness is Boring

by

From time to time, I get tired of writing.

I think I stopped writing in February because I got it in my mind that I was going to write a book, but I never found time to write a book and so for a month I just haven’t written.

I was going to write a book about all of the horrible things I do because I thought that if someone wrote a book like that, it could change the world. (I was on an honesty kick. It was inspired by some of my friends’ kicks which include but are not limited to: sincerity, innocence, desire, rationality. All of my friends have kicks.)

I have a friend who believes that we are all selfish. For a long time, I resisted that. I thought that was a tragic idea.

I’m pretty sure she is right, though. And I don’t know that it’s all that tragic anymore. Most of the time, being selfish helps me make decisions. When deciding what I want to have for dinner, for instance, it is easier to simply consider my own desires rather than how my business going to a certain establishment is going to affect their monthly profits. But when I interact with other people on a personal level, that’s when selfishness starts to be a problem. Unfortunately for me, interacting with people is approximately 99% of life.

I hate it when people play favorites. But I play favorites, too. I hate when I can see how funding is affecting an organization, but if I ran an organization and another organization gave me money, I have to say that I would act favorably towards my funders.

Selfishness is not really that big of a deal. People wanting power is not something that is worth talking about. The real issue is when we let the conversations about selfishness and power and greed consume us – when we spend all day pointing fingers at other people.

Jesus once said:

How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. (Luke 6:42)

A lot of people think this means that after we judge ourselves, that we can judge other people. Some people think this means that there is such a thing as moral high ground.

There isn’t. We all always have the plank in our eye. That’s the issue.

I think real change comes when people stop talking about selfishness and power and greed and start talking about how we can love people where they are. I know that sounds hokey, but I don’t know how else to say it.